How firefighter's identify a HAZMAT chemical using the Tri-COP-Scope Method:
1. Officer standing/Car running: Not hazardous.
2. Officer unconsious/Car running: Toxic fumes.
3. Officer uncousious/Car stalled: Oxygen displacing chemical.
4. Officer/Car both melting: Acidic chemical.
5. Officer/Car on fire: Extremely flammable.
Two guys are driving through Texas when they get
pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his
nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with
the stick.The driver says, "Why'd you do that?
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your
license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his
license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger
rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says,"Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that
sucker would've tried that with me!'"
A small-town patrolman stopped a motorist for speeding and approached the driver.
Peering into the back seat, he saw a large collection of knives, machetes, and swords.
Thinking he had some wacko on his hands, the policeman placed a cautious hand on his
firearm and asked the man to step out of the car. When queried about the contents of the
back seat, the driver replied, "Oh, those!
Officer, I'm a juggler and those are part of my act." Skeptical, the policeman
thought he would call the man's bluff.
"If you can juggle these here machetes like you say, I'll let you off", the
officer says. Well, sure enough, the driver IS a juggler,and his hands explode into a
dizzying frenzy of spinning, twirling, flying blades, reflecting brilliantly in the
afternoon sun! The blades fly behind his back, under his legs & over his head, in
seamless fluid motion. He even tosses an apple into the fray and quarters it without
missing a beat.
As this is occurring, a man driving by says to his wife, "Martha, it's a good thing I
gave up drinkin'... look at the sobriety test they're giving now!"
During the big DUI Dragnet, a Highway Patrolman
waited outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time as everyonecame
out, he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could
barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car
a good ten minutes as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on
then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally when he was the
last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The Patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He
administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise the man blew a 0.00! The
Patrolman was dumbfounded! "This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the
Patrolman. "I doubt it," said the drunk, "tonight I’m the Designated
Decoy!"
A cop walks into Dunkin' Donuts and says, "Excuse me, miss...how many cups of
coffee do you think this thermos will hold?"
"I think it's a seven-cup thermos."
"All right ma'am, give me two black, three cream and sugar
Some firefighters and cops got togethere to charter a double-decker bus to go to Atlantic City for the weekend. The firefighters sat on the bottom deck, and the cops on top. The firefighter's are whooping it up when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the cops. Going up stairs he finds all the cops clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared ot death. "What the heck's goin' on? We're down stairs havin' a grand old time." One of the cops looks up eyes wide with fright, "Yeah, but you guys have got a driver."
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling
at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared
speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his
signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was
speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were
going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"